We all have had people in our lives that drain us mentally and emotionally. Maybe it is your best friend, a classmate, or even a family member. The point is, you suffer when you allow certain people to take up too much of your mental space. You have to remember that you have goals to reach and success to grasp. In order to do that you cannot be weighed down my toxic people. So here are a few tips from me on how you can remove those people that bring you down or cause negative energy into your life.
- Identify who is and isn’t toxic. Sometimes the hardest part about removing toxic people from your life is realizing who is toxic. It is easy to say the person who gets on your nerves all the time is someone you need to cut off, but what about that friend that you love to death, but they aren’t going anywhere in their life and they can’t seem to take responsibility? You ever consider that perhaps that being your constant resource for energy may be toxic? Who you surround yourself is reflection of yourself. What is the mirror telling you? If you don’t like that answer, it is time to make a change.
- Don’t expect them to change. One thing that I applaud people doing is choosing to talk to these toxic people about how they feel. Simply telling them that you feel as if sometimes they are releasing a lot of negative energy and it is hurting you may make a difference and allow them to see for themselves how toxic their behavior is. However, do not EXPECT them to change and then be disappointed when a negative person doesn’t want to take accountability for their life. Let it be what it is.
- Establish Boundaries. One of the best ways to remove these people from your life is to simply start distancing yourself. Let them know you won’t be able to spend as much time with them and then actually act on that. If you know that the person calling you only wants to talk about negative things or other people in a negative way DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. The moment you pick up that call you have welcomed the negative energy into your life.
- Don’t let their problems become your problem. I know that may sound harsh, but tell me if this sounds familiar: You have a friend who you love to death, but they are always depressed and upset about their life and the things they go through. To them, everyone is out to get them and nobody ever wants to help them. Now, think about it: is where they are REALLY everyone else’s fault? Do they take any responsibility for where they are in their life and how they handle hardships? Or is it everyone else? Those are the kind of people that will look to you for sympathy and confirmation in their beliefs. It is not your job to save them nor should you feel responsible for their lack of progress.
- Choose your battles WISELY. A lot of people will not just flutter away with ease. A lot of people are going to come at you sideways about how untrue of a friend you are and how you don’t appreciate all that they have done for you. They are going to remind you of every little thing (and I do mean LITTLE) they have ever done for you. It is NOT your job to respond to their accusations. They will not see your point of view or get why you feel the way you do. They don’t want to. You will be labeled someone who ‘changed’ or ‘switched up’ when in actuality you grew up and decided you wanted to surround yourself with people who have the same growth mentality. Don’t let them drag you into a ‘what a good friend is’ battle or make you feel guilty because of all the things you know they’ve ‘been through’.
- Surround yourself with better and more positive company. One of the things that inspired this post was the fact that this year I did a MAJOR detox when it came to the people I talked to on a regular basis. I cut off a lot of people and some people I didn’t necessarily cut off, but I distanced myself heavily and they are no longer a part of my inner circle. When I did that I made a special effort to spend more time with people who promote growth and productivity. Now, my best friend and I have pushed each other to great lengths and inspire each other on a regular basis. That is the kind of friendship circle you want to have. Where people lift you up and push you to be better and vise versa.
- Remember that once their gone, their gone. I had a friend in particular that I had a very hard time letting go of. That person meant a whole lot to me for years and despite how negative and stagnant they were I always made excuses as to why I allowed that person to stay in my life. I had to really think about the fact that he was toxic and sent negative energy constantly. Remember, however, that cutting people off for your good wont always feel good at the beginning. Once that person is out of your life, that’s it. You may never have that friendship again and you need to think about that carefully before deciding who to remove them from your life. Don’t let your love for them destroy your prosperity, but prepare yourself for the feeling of a break up because that is exactly what it will be.
I really hope this helps someone out there who struggles with negative surroundings. If you read this and you find yourself making excuses about how you cannot remove your negative entities and how I couldn’t possibly understand how hard it is to be positive in your environment or be rid of your environment… maybe the toxic person in your life… is you.
Well, that’s all the tips I have for that. If there are any other topics you want me to talk about OR you want to add on to this topic and say what has worked for you removing toxic people, please feel free to share.